Song #10 - I Can’t Control The Dog
I have such a love + hate relationship with Ambition.
In a song a few weeks ago I wrote about how I try to keep my expectations small so that happiness isn’t always eluding me (apparently this is also a common practice in my ancestral home of Denmark). But Ambition is constantly calling for me to expect more from the world and from myself. It is a seductive and powerful tug, but I know it is not always to be trusted. In fact, it can be toxic and bring out the worst in us.
I relate it to walking a dog. When the dog leads, you get pulled all over the place and if you don’t assert yourself early and often, he will never stop dragging you around and you will be miserable. My sister has a beautiful big dog named Torino. I love this giant-headed Anatolian Shepherd so much (pic below). When she first got him, he had such a wildness in his eyes. He would pull on the leash during a walk like a sled dog, and he’d go berserk if any big trucks drove by. Brittany had to train him to be better behaved so that she can trust him and give him a safe and happy life. He’s still a dog though, and sometimes I miss seeing him run free and be wild again.
Don’t we all have a side of us that is mysterious and driven by forces we don’t know? I feel more and more like songwriting helps me understand and make space for these mysterious powers that hide below the surface and influence so much of my life. Call it ego or ambition or just the human experience, we can’t untether ourselves from its wildness completely. But it’s hard to know how to balance the self-discipline needed to get along in the world without denying and possibly destroying our deep inner needs and instincts.
In writing the song, the piano part came first and then everything else fell into place around its chaotic pace. I hope you like it! And sorry I missed sending one last week. I was finishing up the mid-west tour with Delta Rae and wasn’t able to get it all done.
But ten down, ninety to go!
Love,
Eric
I Can’t Control The Dog
There’s nothing in this world that’s sitting still in this heat
There’s nothing in this world that aint alive
The kettle on the stove just had its fill of me
Was screaming now it’s spitting down the sides
Oh what else can I do
I’m far away and I’m feeling blue
With the back door open and me sprinting to the other side
Did he run or did I fail
Is this home or another jail
Can I settle down a while or are am I set up for a wild ride
'Cause I can’t control the dog
I’ve always wanted to be center stage ‘cause
I’d blast light on this world just like a star
But I dim myself and deem my dream’s outrageous
’Cause my soul knows I am no better than you are
Oh what else can I do
We all cry when we’re fed the truth
But he’ll gnaw on that bone ‘til it withers and it’s gone again
And he'll look me in the eye
Say set me free or I’m gonna die
And I hate to hesitate when I’m locking up the crate he’s in
'Cause I can’t control the dog
I wanna be on fire
I wanna be so free
I wanna be so tired
Of the things I wanna be
Nothing makes us happier than day dreams
Nothing lifts our spirits like a child
We never get to catch what we’ve been chasing
But it’s good living in that fiction for a while
Oh what else can I do
Put a smaller rock in a newer shoe
Fake it til we make it up a mountain he don’t wanna climb
He just caught a scent on a higher trail
A bigger tiger and a taller tale
He’s pulling on the lead and I kinda wanna see him try
‘Cause I can’t control the dog
